How to bounce back from failure

Because yesterday was my 30^th birthday, I found it apt to reflect back on my life. I’ve had significant failures as a teen up to my early 20s, reaching 2 rock bottoms so I’ve decided to write about how to bounce back from failure in hopes that it may be useful to someone who needs it.

So how do you get back up after failing?

Acknowledge your failure

So you failed. It’s not what you set out to do and you’re disappointed and your ego is hurt. It would be tempting to sweep it under the rug and never speak of it again. You have to fight that instinct and face your failure. Sulk, cry and beat yourself up over it for a few days or for a week. It’s ok to grieve and feel sorry for yourself. You need to allow yourself to feel but make sure to give yourself a time limit. Acknowledge that somewhere along the line, there was something or there were a few things you did that led you to this. Accept it and then you need to take accountability for it. I was in a relationship for 6 years which was supposed to last a lifetime and while it was toxic as it was with an emotionally abusive partner, there were issues in that relationship that shouldn’t have happened had I been secure and set boundaries. I had my own faults in that relationship, I was resentful, depressed and miserable and it shouldn’t have lasted that long.

Assess your situation

Review the details—not to torture yourself, but so you know where you are now, pinpoint where you went wrong so you can assess what steps you need to take for next time. Remind yourself that failing isn’t the end of the world. Failing is normal and it’s part of life. Without failure, there will be no lessons to learn.

Take into heart all the lessons you’ve learned

What did this experience teach you? If you were to try again, how would you do things differently? Is this the right path for you? Perhaps, there’s another road you have to take.

Late 2016, everything seemed up in the air regarding my career. I was at a loss on what to do. I was in my ex boss/friend’s car discussing her business and life in general when a ridiculous idea crossed my mind.

Me: ‘Maybe I should start selling stuff online for a tenner’

I zeroed in on the idea and got the ball rolling. I got an accountant, set up a company, built the site on my own, built the brand and worked on it.

I was naïve and I didn’t really sit down to consider the pros and cons of setting up a business. I didn’t have any money for cash flow. I had to freelance and hustle other marketing and web design jobs in order to keep it running. A freelancer’s life may look like fun from the outside, having the freedom to control your own time but what nobody tells you is that the anxiety can be crippling because you’re constantly chasing. You have clients who are fine, you do the job and that’s done and dusted but the gigs aren’t continuous and then you have clients who don’t pay you or when they do, they think they own you. On top of all of that, in my personal life, I had tons of pressing issues I still needed to attend to. I still had to file for divorce, sort out my residency status and plenty of other things. It was a lot of pressure and it really wasn’t the right time for me to set up a business when I needed at least one thing that was stable in my life. I had to look for a full time job and put the business on the back burner. Eventually, I had to give it up as I just didn’t have time for it and it was costing more than what it was worth. It was a hard pill to swallow. I didn’t want to be a quitter but at the same time, I had to be realistic. I had to pull the plug. The site is up for sale now.

I learned a lot from that experience. It took me a while to give it up; I hustled as much as I can to make it work when I should have cashed in my chips earlier.

There is no shame in cutting your losses—don’t focus on the word ‘loss’.  You’re actually gaining back time, effort, money and everything else because it isn’t wasted on that thing that’s not bringing you any sort of satisfaction anymore.

Try again but with no expectations

The good thing about failing is that you know where you went wrong so it gives you the information you need for the next time you try again. You’re better equipped and better prepared. The best you can do is to try better but remind yourself that success isn’t a guarantee no matter how hard you try. Life just doesn’t work that way sometimes and that’s okay. You need to learn to motivate yourself and keep moving forward.

What are your tips on bouncing back from failure? Let me know in the comments below.